Just dropping my thoughts in here before tomorrow. I hope everyone is well. I’m doing ok. Still struggling with the amount I have on at the moment and it feels like I am trying to return a lot of tennis balls!
I’m still doing the processing and I think it’s going well. Level 1 processing is really great and I can feel my state changing as I do it. Level 2 is harder as I think my mind keeps asking ‘are you done yet?’ in terms of my body ‘categorising and composting’ stuff.
The intention/grounding stuff is not as clear for me. I’m glad Derek said at the end of the call that we are all where we are supposed to be and to trust the process because I’ve been having a lot of thoughts about not really getting this and not having enough time.
(Preface this by saying I think maybe I’m still unclear about distinguishing what’s avoidance and what’s determination)
I tried the intention thing first with ‘I want to stop worrying so much’ or ‘I would like to stop paying so much attention to the anxious ‘what if’ thoughts’ and as I sit with it I can see that I somehow think the worrying is useful or serving me/protecting me in some way so actually that feels like avoidance right? Feels like I’m way outside the tension point on this.
My other intention this week has been to be kinder to myself for not understanding and not feeling like I’m getting things. I’ve sat with this a lot and noticed that I often have thoughts that I’m not intelligent enough or spiritual enough to be doing certain things. I think these are also mainly avoidance thoughts (???) Whenever I do things like this course I always feel like I don’t understand and I’m not getting it and then I often kind of sabotage the thing I’m doing by saying. ‘If I don’t get this then it probably won’t work for me’
I think this is again a protection mechanism because I’m actually really scared of being vulnerable and trying/trusting because if I’m the only one in the group it doesn’t work for then there’s definitely something wrong with me….
I think at some point in my past it has looked to me/my conscious mind that my higher self has somehow let me down (which I don’t think it has) and so now I have a belief that I don’t trust myself 🤔 This would also mean that perhaps I lack trust in my innate ability to sleep and that’s why I’m having so much trouble in this area. Makes sense.
For now I’m just sitting with all this. I guess that’s the part where we are making the unseen seen?? Definitely need to explore this ‘lack of trust’ and the ‘I’m just not spiritual enough’ thoughts/beliefs because they feel super limiting and I’m sad about that. I had a bit of a cry about it earlier this week
The only intention I’ve managed to
ground is the ‘I would really like to not quit’ one. I know for sure I just need to stick with it but not just in a ‘keep my bum on the seat way’ more of a ‘I’m meant to be here
and trust the process’ kind of way. Good job Derek said what he said at the end of the call.
Thanks for listening ❤️
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Hi all,
Just dropping my thoughts in here before tomorrow. I hope everyone is well. I’m doing ok. Still struggling with the amount I have on at the moment and it feels like I am trying to return a lot of tennis balls!
I’m still doing the processing and I think it’s going well. Level 1 processing is really great and I can feel my state changing as I do it. Level 2 is harder as I think my mind keeps asking ‘are you done yet?’ in terms of my body ‘categorising and composting’ stuff.
The intention/grounding stuff is not as clear for me. I’m glad Derek said at the end of the call that we are all where we are supposed to be and to trust the process because I’ve been having a lot of thoughts about not really getting this and not having enough time.
(Preface this by saying I think maybe I’m still unclear about distinguishing what’s avoidance and what’s determination)
I tried the intention thing first with ‘I want to stop worrying so much’ or ‘I would like to stop paying so much attention to the anxious ‘what if’ thoughts’ and as I sit with it I can see that I somehow think the worrying is useful or serving me/protecting me in some way so actually that feels like avoidance right? Feels like I’m way outside the tension point on this.
My other intention this week has been to be kinder to myself for not understanding and not feeling like I’m getting things. I’ve sat with this a lot and noticed that I often have thoughts that I’m not intelligent enough or spiritual enough to be doing certain things. I think these are also mainly avoidance thoughts (???) Whenever I do things like this course I always feel like I don’t understand and I’m not getting it and then I often kind of sabotage the thing I’m doing by saying. ‘If I don’t get this then it probably won’t work for me’
I think this is again a protection mechanism because I’m actually really scared of being vulnerable and trying/trusting because if I’m the only one in the group it doesn’t work for then there’s definitely something wrong with me….
I think at some point in my past it has looked to me/my conscious mind that my higher self has somehow let me down (which I don’t think it has) and so now I have a belief that I don’t trust myself 🤔 This would also mean that perhaps I lack trust in my innate ability to sleep and that’s why I’m having so much trouble in this area. Makes sense.
For now I’m just sitting with all this. I guess that’s the part where we are making the unseen seen?? Definitely need to explore this ‘lack of trust’ and the ‘I’m just not spiritual enough’ thoughts/beliefs because they feel super limiting and I’m sad about that. I had a bit of a cry about it earlier this week
The only intention I’ve managed to
ground is the ‘I would really like to not quit’ one. I know for sure I just need to stick with it but not just in a ‘keep my bum on the seat way’ more of a ‘I’m meant to be here
and trust the process’ kind of way. Good job Derek said what he said at the end of the call.
Thanks for listening ❤️